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Oodles Celebrity iTunes Playlist

I foolishly disputed Oodles' claim that she had already sent me her playlist, so this should have been published some times ago! Reading her blog is what got me interested in starting my own. I always felt more in tune with what was going on her life - it helped me be a better friend (at least, I hope so). When we were in Costa Rica, she broke her foot while we were mountain biking on like the second day we were there. Everyone, including the doctor, thought it was a sprain. She continued with the trip with an amazing good attitude, despite the hiking and the jarring drives. It wasn't until weeks after we got home that we found out it was broken. In typical Ya Ya fashion, we frequently threaten to take mountain biking vacations. She just smiles.

In addition to being a music maven, keeping hundreds of kids healthy as her job and being the YaYa webmaster, she is also a remarkable photographer. What makes me insane with jealous rage about her photos is that she manages to correctly expose in difficult lighting situations - the low light parts of the photo still have detail, the brighter areas aren't washed out. Instead of pictures of the artists, I've sprinkled in some photos from her recent trip to Spain.

Freedom '90
George Michael
For some reason, I listened to this song over and over again before my high school basketball games. I'm not sure how this helped my game, but it did.

Brown Eyed Girl
Van Morrison
Somehow this became the theme song among my girlfriends in college. My best friend was proposed to with this song, and it seems to always be that one song that we know we will hear over and over again when we are together.

The Scientist
Coldplay
It's a sad song, and unfortunately reminds be of a terrible break-up.

In the Sun
Joseph Arthur
This was on my playlist when I was in India last year and reminds me of being there... even if it has nothing to do with India.

Brand New Colony
The Postal Service
I just can't seem to get enough of this song.

Family Affairs
Mary J. Blige
Takes me back to my sister's wedding, which is hands-down the most fun I have ever had at a wedding and where I danced and danced. It also was a huge family gathering.

Jaan
Talvin Singh
In Punjabi, maybe even Hindi, it means "my life." It has special, bittersweet memories. Nowadays, the song has become a dance/trance song.

Hips Don't Lie
Shakira
On my recent trip to Spain, this song came on the radio on the bus I was on, and in 5 seconds, I was on a party bus. The people on the bus got up and started dancing between the seats on the bus! To top it off, it is the song that led me to stay out until 4:30am the day I was leaving Spain, in some random club in Barcelona.


Beat It
Michael Jackson
When I was a kid, my sister, myself and two other kids thought we were the biggest Michael Jackson fans out there and would sing our hearts out to this song.

New Slang
The Shins
This is my new favorite, even though it's been out for awhile. If you haven't listened to the Garden State soundtrack, you are missing out! The song makes me feel blue but also makes me hopeful... it's hard to describe.

JNC's Celebrity iTunes Playlist

JNC doesn't remember when we met, but I do. It was in Mr. Grippenstraw's sophomore biology class, and JNC was the only person who got busted more than me. And it was always for the same thing: talking. Eventually we started talking to each other, and we really haven't stopped since. She's come close to being my bridesmaid twice. We've did our post-college Europe backpacking trip together, went to China together, and have taken several trips to Mexico together.

For her birthday this year, I got her the complete episodes of Sex And The City. We're both SATC enthusiasts, although more so the first couple seasons. We were talking about that this weekend, that the first seasons are focused more on how the friendship among these woman outlasts jobs, fashion crises and boyfriends. That's why it felt more real to us, because we recognize that your true partners in life aren't necessarily the romantic ones.

As is typical with JNC, she reviewed the guidelines I sent out for the playlist, read what other people had done, and then pretty much did whatever she wanted.


You know I march to the beat of my own drummer. So here’s my play list – I didn’t follow the rules, it has 6 of my favorite artists – I will download anything by them without know what it sounds like, just because I like them. Then there’s 6 songs that I am rocking out to right now:

6 artists that are on always in heavy rotation:
Biggie Smalls.
I love anything by Biggie. He is a lyrical genius, just listen to what he’s saying the next time you hear one of his songs…. We really lost a brilliant man when he died. I still listen to him because he’s so much more creative than a lot of current artist. Juicy is a particular favorite. Nasty Girl is one of my current ring tones.


Mary J Blige.
Hasn’t everyone listened to MJ when they were going through a break up, or to feel more empowered. I love everything from the 411 to her recent releases. Her heavy drug use years produced some really good music, all that pain made great music.

Prince.
He’s one of the few men who is comfortable enough with who he is to wear heels. And buttless pants. Without him, I wouldn’t know what it sounds like when doves cry.

Thelonius Monk.
When I need to write something persuasive, I listen to Monk. He gets my creative juices flowing. My favorite is a song called two for tea.

John Legend.
He is such a smooth crooner. Most of his CD’s I will listen to straight through. I have seen him perform live, and it’s INSANE. All he needs is a mike. This man has real talent. He has seduction songs, apology songs, celebratory songs. Ahhhh, he’s dreamy.

New Edition.
This is a band I grew up with. I have seen them in concert, and it was AMAZING. These men can perform. I will rock out to everything from popcorn love to their last misguided album on the Bad Boy label. Also, their ability to do solo projects and come back together as a solid group is admirable. These are six of my favorite signers!!!!!

6 songs that I am playing to death right now:
Lloyd and Lil’ Wayne
You
The instrumental of this song is so haunting. Also, there’s something about thuggish Lil’ Wayne rapping about a girl he’s really into that I find strangely alluring. I am always a fan of the collaboration of two artists who seem like they wouldn’t fit together.

Robin Thicke
Wanna Love you girl – the regular and the remix!
Like Prince, this man can squeal. He has an amazing vocal range. I pretty much like anything he signs. Hand him the phone book, and it will probably sound good when he sings it.

Justin Timberlake
My Love
It’s catchy. And he’s yummy, I wish I was Cameron Diaz. Le Sigh.

Beyonce
Irreplaceable
This is another great women’s empowerment song. I am not the biggest Beyonce fan, I prefer Destiny’s Child [I still rock Survivor from time to time] The first time you hear it, you’re like, “to the left, hunh???” . But after listening to it….MAN!!!! This is the new break up song! Or even the new I don’t have to settle for a bad relationship song. My favorite line “I could have another you in a minute”. Yup, sometimes love is like that.

Akon and Eminem
Smak That
There’s a line that just cracks me up….We can just kick it like Tae-bo…..LOL. The beat is great for getting you moving. But when you listen to the lyrics, it’s a little stalkerish.

Akon and Snoop
I wanna love you
This is my theme song on the dance floor. There’s several versions. They range from very clean to so dirty it will make a statue of the Virgin Mary blush. This song will make you shake your rump.

Use the word "dirigible" in a song.

Last Friday the Notorious D.R.J.U. was in town from Seattle and invited me to go to a show with his good friends A & K. I don't know A & K that well but I really like them. They are one of those couples that you can't imagine not being together, yet they are each also really cool as individual people. They have two young munchkins and a bun in the oven. They were so pleased to be out for a night on the town sans children that they gleefully called out their favorite profanities as we walked from my place to the show.

We saw Joanna Newsom at the Rio Theatre with Bill Callahan aka SMOG opening. Some musicians make me feel like maybe I'm just not smart enough or cool enough to get their music. Unfortunately, Bill Callahan did that for me. I recognize that I have JoJo on my Celebrity iTunes Playlist, though, so I'm at peace with my musical senses having been dulled by years of listening to over-produced pop music. It was all a little too intense and introspective for me. Callahan sang one song that repeated the word "sycamore," but it he sang it in such a way that it sounded like "Sycamo...ore...whore... whore..." I was relieved when someone a few rows away got the the giggles.

Joanna Newsom was another story. When I first heard "harpist" I thought, "Check, please." but I was delighted to find I was wrong, wrong, wrong. Joanna Newsom is a straight-up trip. Her voice has been described as "child-like" and the Notorious D.R.J.U. turned to me at one point and said "Is she twelve?" but he didn't mean it as an insult. She has a voice that is light and airy but powerful. Her band with her that played instruments like the glockenspiel and an actual saw. Have you ever seen someone play a saw? Let me tell you, it is quite cool. Eclectic does not begin to describe the band or the music. It's kind of a folky alternative grassblues. I think. She seemed to really enjoy herself and was totally comfortable on stage. The lyrics are... well, take this example, the song "Bridges and Balloons":

We sailed away on a winter's day
with fate as malleable as clay;
but ships are fallible, I say,
and the nautical, like all things, fades

And I can recall our caravel:
a little wicker beetle shell
with four fine maste and lateen sails,
its bearings on Cair Paravel

O my love,
O it was a funny little thing
to be the ones to've seen.

The sight of bridges and balloons
makes calm canaries irritable;
they caw and claw all afternoon:
"Catenaries and dirigibles
brace and buoy the living-room --
a loom of metal, warp - woof - wimble."
And a thimbles worth of milky moon
can touch hearts larger than a thimble.

O my love,
O is was a funny little thing
to be the ones to've seen

Does this all sounds a little too Rennaisance Faire for a cynic like me? Not really. Apparently the glockenspiel is enjoying quite a revival. Green Day, Radiohead, Panic! at the Disco and The Arcade Fire have used the glockenspiel as background, although when I saw Aracde Fire at the Download Festival and I don't recall seeing a glockenspiel. It's not the kind of thing that goes unmissed, really, although I don't think there's many instruments they don't use. I just wish I'd had occasion to comment at the time, "Nice use of glockenspiel."

A and K have been folowing her music for a number of years. A recommends the album "Milk-Eyed Mender" for the Newsom novice. She is a cousin of the SF Mayor so I wore my best I'd Be Surprisingly Good For You smile in hopes that he would make an appearance, but my life remains Gavin-free. More information about the enigmatic Ms. Newsom on her just-enthusiastic-enough-not-to-be-scary fan site.

Fresh & Fruity After 26.2

Second marathon, successfully completed. I usually place a little higher in my age group, but there are a lot of very fast runners in this race because it's a popular qualifier for the Boston marathon. On one hand, I'm just happy I finished. On the other hand, I realize that I could train smarter and do better so now I'm motivated again.

I spent most of last week freaking out and nursing an injured achilles tendon, worrying I wouldn't be able to finish the marathon this weekend. It sounds silly, that my biggest worry is whether I'll be able to run 26.2 miles, when other people have real health problems, ones that threaten their lives, or the lives of their loved ones. I am healthy enough to be able to train for and complete a marathon, and that is such a blessing, I felt ungrateful for being so upset about this injury, the first problem I've had that has threatened to stop me from completing a race. For me, running is a prayer of thanksgiving for my health and the beautiful place I live. So grumping about a minor injury is like complaining to a someone in chemo that you're having a bad hair day. But I was freaked out. Training for a long race has meant some sacrifice. Getting up early, passing on social events because I have a long run the next day, keeping a consistent training schedule. Although it brings fitness benefits, I've been training for a particular event, and the thought that I wouldn't be able to complete it made me think, "what was the point?" So I babied it the week prior to the race, sprayed and rubbed it with strange Chinese herbal concoctions, and did a lot of praying. Some combination of God and herbal medicine did the trick, because it gave me no serious trouble.

CMW (see her playlist below) and her husband played host to the three of us who came up to do the race. They took us for pasta the night before and CMW got up at 5am to drive us to the start. Then she drove down to the Capitol, did her own race, and stuck around to watch us finish. People, you can't pay for that kind of support. They gave us way more than a place to crash, and it made the race experience for me.

Also in the Pumpkin Support Team was Rhubarb, who drove from Oakland to Sacramento to be there at the finish line. Maybe it doesn't sound like a big deal. Maybe it seems silly to drive for damn near two hours to see someone run by you. But let me tell you, when I was out there at mile 19, my knees and my hips hurting, my whole body telling me to just STOP, it makes a HUGE difference to know that there is someone at the finish line waiting for you. Knowing that in that crowd of faces at the end, there's someone looking for you, someone shouting your name.

After the race, we went to the IHOP near CMW's house for a big brunch feed. Rhubarb immediately picked up the insert to the menu and asked if I would be interested in the perennial IHOP special, the "Rooty Tooty Fresh & Fruity." ("RTFF") We've been to IHOP a couple times, and every time she manages to bring up the RTFF. She claims this is ridiculous, but I remember there have been repeated instances of the RTFF interaction at IHOP. I passed on the RTFF, but I have a feeling it won't be the last time it's on offer!

Brie's Celebrity Playlist

Brie was my constant companion my first year of college. We were equal measures of silly and wild. I was tickled to see a TMBG song on her list, I remember they were her favorite band and she took me to a show when they came to the Price Center at UCSD. We lost contact after college until she found me on Friendster a few months ago. She married her college boyfriend and has a baby girl, Lauren. She lives in LA and does web design.

Learning to Fly
Tom Petty
reminds me of college and hanging out with the guys down the hall. They taught me to play bass to this song.

Dreaming my Dreams
Cranberries
Song I danced to with my husband at our wedding.

Everybody Dance Now
C & C Music Factory
First song I learned to fast dance to in junior high and takes me back

Tears in Heaven
Eric Clapton
Always makes me cry. Clapton wrote it for his young son who died, and I listened to it a lot in early 2005 when I lost a baby in second trimester.

Could You Be Loved
Bob Marley and the Wailers
My infant daughter has decided that she loves reggae and can hear this song endlessly. Before she was born, the song always reminded me of the relaxed time on my honeymoon with a pina colada in my hand and the island breezes in my hair.

River
Indigo Girls
So many good songs by Indigo Girls but this one gets into my soul every time I hear it and I can't help but sing along

Older
They Might be Giants
Have to taunt my friends with this one on their birthdays! Also saw TMBG perform this live several times and they never do it the same way twice.

I Drove All Night
Cyndi Lauper (also Roy Orbison but I like her version)
I lived this for 2 years of a long-distance relationship. Fun catchy song, too!

One Million Miles
Mauzner
Yes, the song from the Volkswagon commercials. Secret vice of mine to blast this song and careen recklessly around at top speeds in my automobile as if on an important wedding-stopping mission (when really just out getting milk.)

American Pie
Don MacLean
This used to be the last song they played at the last dance at CTY every summer and it was the bittersweet sound of going home.

CLA's Celebrity Playlist

CLA's list really tells the story of her life so far, from teenage concerts in SF to the songs that remind her of her two kids. It's important that you now she is the most hard-core Huey Lewis fan on the planet. The American Lesbian Association threatened to revoke her membership if she didn't put either a Melissa Etheridge or Indigo Girls song on here (I believe she made the right choice). But, seriously, reading CLA's list you realize how popular music is one more way that gays are shut out of the mainstream because all the romantic songs are hetro. Working with CLA and seeing her trying to raise kids in a two-mom family has opened my eyes to a lot of the systemic discrimination against gay parents. They worry about things they shouldn't have to worry about, and it makes me angry just thining about it. Through it all, she keeps an open mind about everyone she meets, and is ready to see the best in them.

Pictured below are CLA and her partner Nurse K and their two kids, Miss Thang and When's Dinner? If they look familiar it's because their picture was splashed all over the national newsapers and the net when they were married in SF City Hall in February, 2003.


Lights
Journey
Captured
Since I grew up in the “Cit-tay by the bay-yay”, I consider this my official anthem. Plus, Journey was one of the first concerts I ever went to, and I remember literally being the stereotype concert goer - waving a lighter in the air, belting out the lyrics with hundreds of other adoring fans.

You Oughta Know
Alanis Morissette
Jagged Little Pill
This song just plain rocks. I love singing it in the car at the top of my lungs, while pretending I’m telling someone off. Free anger management therapy.

Bring Me Some Water
Melissa Etheridge
Melissa Etheridge
Reminds me of how my ex cheated on me…again…and again…and again…Sometimes you need to think about the hard times and this song always takes me right back to my non-happy place.

Smooth
Santana & Rob Thomas
Supernatural
I used to play this all of the time for my daughter in utero …don’t know why. The first time I heard this song after she was born, I cried so hard because I was listening to it “alone” (she was out of the womb), that I had to pull over to weep!

Power of Love
Huey Lewis and the News
Back to the Future Soundtrack
The best song from the best movie by the best group. Ever. Period.







Straight from the Heart
Bryan Adams
Cuts Like a Knife
I would play this entire album over & over after high school. This was my favorite song and I would move the needle across the record to hear this song again & again while doing my homework. (please look up “ancient music makers” in Wikipedia if you don’t understand the words “record” or “needle”)

Shadows on a Dime
Ferron
Shadows on a Dime
The combination of violin and vocals on this song are incredibly moving. This tune also contains my favorite lyrics of all time: I poured my soul in Santa Cruz. I ached all night; next day I lost my shoes. It's so optional what you may or may not lose in this pattern we call time.

Three Little Birds
Bob Marley
Exodus
When I was pregnant with my son, I was very, very worried about something going wrong. I used to sing this line to myself every day: Don't worry about a thing, 'cause every little thing gonna be all right!" It really worked to calm me down – it’s a perfect mantra.

I’ll Cover You
Jesse L. Martin & Wilson Jermaine Heredia
Rent – Original Broadway Cast
This is one of the most beautiful love songs ever. It makes me teary every time I hear it. The fact that two men sing it to each other just enhances the cry. It helps that Jesse L. Martin has a gorgeous voice – I could listen to him sing the phone book.

Crazy in Love
Beyoncé
Dangerously In Love
At the gym, I do cardio and then drag myself to do the thirty minute circuit. Once I get my sorry butt into the circuit room, I always pump this song on the stereo and listen to it several times. It gets me moving again and, most importantly, I’m proud to know the lyrics to a song recorded within the last 10 years!

CMW's Celebrity Playlist

CMW was my law school wife. Her home and her husband are in Sacramento, but in order to go to law school she lived Monday through Thursday down in the lovely Silicon Valley. We took classes together, shopped together, worked out together, and drank enough margaritas to support a mid-size Mexican tequila cooperative. We amicably separated in December of 2005 when I reluctantly agreed that she could move back to live, full-time, with her husband in Sac-town. And after all that time, I only just now learned she is a Sinatra fan! She's classy, this one. It just goes to show, you never really know someone until they send you their celebrity playlist.


Wired to the Moon
Chris Rea
Wired to the Moon
Someone once left a great mix CD in the Bose Soundwave radio in a hotel room I stayed in, and this was the first song on the CD. It's now one of my favorites (and also a great reminder of that vacation). There's no better way to wake up in the morning than to the instrumental at the beginning of this song.

Better Days
Goo Goo Dolls
Let Love In
A good reminder of what's truly important in life. Listening to this got me through the pile-o-stress that was November 2005 - February 2006.

Cindy C.
Prince
The Black Album
Hello, it's Prince! And he's singing my name! Well, kind of sort of my name. You just can't go wrong with a Prince song!

Runaway
The Corrs
Forgiven, Not Forgotten
My favorite day-dreaming song in undergrad. Great vocals and instrumentals.

Here It Goes Again
O.K. Go
Oh No
My current "I love it so much that I'm going to listen to it over & over again until I hate it" song

Short Skirt/Long Jacket
Cake
Comfort Eagle
This is the kind of girl I aspire to be, well, minus the white Chrysler LeBaron! I'm a sucker for songs with catchy lyrics, clearly.

So What
Miles Davis
Kind of Blue
A perfect evening: good food, good drink, good friends, and good jazz.

The Way You Look Tonight
Frank Sinatra
Greatest Love Songs
Like Prince, it's hard to pick one favorite Frank song. This was the first song at our wedding, and it also happened to be playing at the restaurant the night we celebrated our 5 year anniversary - a total coincidence. Hearing it brings back good memories and makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.


Freak Me
Silk
Lose Control
Whenever I hear this song, it takes me back - waaay back. The cute boy, the cool car, the butterflies in my stomach every time we went out. And it makes me happy to have been there once, but oh so glad that I've moved on.

Macarena
Los Del Rio
Fiesta Macarena
Admission to Balinese nightclub: free, Tasty drinks: a few rupiah, Teaching dozens of balinese clubgoers a cheesy american pop line dance: priceless! [hangs head in shame]

Hoov's Celebrity Playlist

Here's our first YaYa playlist. What I really like about Hoov's playlist is how much fun and happy music there is. Hoov's list reflects her personality - upbeat, living each moment to the fullest, but never losing sight of the big picture. Enjoy!

The Remedy (I Won't Worry)
Jason Mraz
Although I'll never cure myself of worrying, this song always helps : )

Speed of Sound
Coldplay
I sometimes play this song on my (short) drive to work in the morning. It totally pumps me up for the day!

September
Earth, Wind & Fire
I've danced to this song at almost every wedding I've been to, but I still can't get enough. Bust out the disco ball!




Must Get Out
Maroon 5
How do I pick just one favorite song from M5? I love them!!! I also love weekend trips and this song makes me think of getting away from it all.

Djobi, Djoba
Gipsy Kings
This song reminds me of my summer abroad in Granada, Spain during college. I picture a little sangria and some dancing under the stars on a hot summer night.

Hanging by a Moment
Lifehouse
I love the testosterone charge to this love song.

Meaning
Gavin DeGraw
Like Maroon 5, how do I pick just one favorite song by Gavin? I like the "meaning" of this song.




Gotta Get Thru This (Acoustic Version)
Daniel Bedingfield
This song reminds me of Jen and our crazy roadtrip to LA to see the filming of "So You Think You Can Dance" this past summer (my favorite contestant Travis danced to this song when we were there). I like how this song makes times when you've "gotta get thru this" seem a bit more bearable.

Wild Horses
Natasha Bedingfield
I love the words, the piano, the vocals...hmm, just about everything in this girlie song.

Watershed
Indigo Girls
These girls rock! I love their lyrics, especially in this song.

The Setting Sun
Switchfoot
This song helps me put it all in perspective.





Do You Hear What I Hear?
performed by Third Day
My favorite Christian band playing my favorite Christmas song. Yeah!

My iTunes Celebrity Playlist

In no particular order, and with one extra because I couldn't decide what to cut.

Hate It Or Love It
The Game and 50 Cent
The Documentary (2005)
The Game makes me feel so street when I'm rocking the bass in the Honda on my way to the office. And let's face it, 50 cent has the best abs in the business.

Closer
Nine Inch Nails
The Downward Spiral (1994)
Remember this anthem for teen angst? Now I use it for hill workouts. It’s got a great pounding beat and no matter how steep the climb, I always make it through the song.

Release
Pearl Jam
Ten (1991)
Another classic from the high school anthems collection. It was hard to just pick one song because I think I can still sing all of them by heart, but Release is my favorite. Somewhere waiting for YouTube is a video of me sitting in a chair, drunk, and belting out “Black.” At least I think it was Black. It's still a little hazy.

Just The Way You Are
Diana Krall
Live in Paris (2002)
Krall’s remake of the Billy Joel classic gets me in the gut. Don't we all want to be loved like this? The guy in the background kicking out some serious sax is Michael Brecker.

My Life
Mary J Blige My Life (1994)
I listen to a lot of MJB and this song has never been out of rotation.

Too Little Too Late
Jo Jo
The High Road (2006)
Nothing beats heartache like a cheesy pop song: “Go find someone else/I’m letting you go/I’m loving myself” I listened to this a lot this fall after having my still-beating heart ripped from my chest and fed to cobras. It helped.

Tunnel of Love
Bruce Springsteen
Tunnel of Love (1983)
No playlist of mine is complete without The Boss, and this song has special memories.

'Round Midnight
Thelonius Monk
'Round Midnight (1944)
Simply the finest jazz tune ever. Monk may have composed this when he was as young as 19. Miles Davis revived his career with his performance of this Monk composition at the 1955 Newport Jazz Festival.

Little Red Corvette
Prince
1999 (1993)
It’s Prince, baby, open the sunroof and belt it out.

Dakota
Stereophonics
Language. Sex. Violence. Other? (2005)
This song evokes a mixture of regret, passion and hope that I can't even begin to describe. The lyrics are pretty blue, yet it makes me feel hopeful. Parts are soft and plaintive and then it just picks up and rocks you.

Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood
Nina Simone
Broadway-Blues-Ballads, 1964
I always think of this as the song I would want played at my funeral, which is not as macabre as it sounds. I listened to it a lot after my dad died, and as I get older, and hopefully more mature, I identify with it myself. Simone is one of the most compelling women of the 20th century. Check out the Wikipedia entry for more info.

What's your celebrity iTunes list?

We've all heard that playlists are the new mix tapes. As part of their promotion of iTunes, Apple came up with the creative idea of having celebrities put together their own playlist with explanations for why each song was included. Thus was born the celebrity iTunes playlist. It's been kind of a hit and miss exercise. It seems like most movie or tv celebrities have their assistants or PR people put the list together because the results are too impersonal and top-40 to be insightful. Musicians, not surprisingly, tend to be more creative. Quite frankly, I don't really care what Mischa Barton or Beyonce are listening to. I'm more interested in what my friends are listening to, and why. So I've asked some of my nearest and dearest to put together their own playlist as the celebrities of my life. With their permission, I'll post the results here.

Instead of linking to the actual iTunes celebrity list page, I'm linking to a Slate article on the subject and also to Kevin Smith's blog post about his own playlist, which was never included because the explanations were deemed "too long."

The latest fun from McSweeny's

(Isn't it terrifying how much your day is just like this?)

THE 4-YEAR-OLD'S
WORKDAY.
BY ROSS MURRAY

8:55 a.m. Arrive at office. Hang jacket on sunshine-shaped hook with name on it. Put snack in cubbyhole. Sing "Good Morning" song with co-workers.

9:04 a.m. Forward hilarious e-mail to everyone in address book. Subject line: "Poo-poo."

9:10 a.m. Take spreadsheets out of Star Wars backpack. Stretch out on floor and begin making notations with crayon.

9:15 a.m. Drink juice box.

9:25 a.m. Spend hour lining up office supplies on desk in perfect straight line. Toy with idea of sorting them by color but get distracted by imaginary conversation between stapler and three-hole punch. Complicated scenario ensues involving a lion, a puppy, and the mommy Hi-Liter kissing the daddy Hi-Liter.

10:40 a.m. Randy from accounting drops by and "borrows" pen with the springy pink feather on top. Grab pen back. Scream in each other's faces until Randy takes a swing with copy of Needs-Assessment Analysis. Supervisor intervenes and sends Randy to the smoke room for a time-out.

11:05 a.m. Intend to begin debugging online program for cross-referencing customer demographics. Get caught up in Polly Pocket website instead.

12:00 p.m. Lunch. Trade PB&J for tuna with Jerry from human resources. Friendly banter about who could take who in a fight: the Poky Little Puppy or the Cat in the Hat. Notice Donna is wearing Finding Nemo T-shirt for fourth straight day.

1:00 p.m. Write up statistical profile of user satisfaction based on regional trends. Entitle report "I Like Flowers."

1:30 p.m. Naptime.

2:12 p.m. Staff meeting proves unproductive due to constant requests to go pee.

2:40 p.m. Telephone headquarters to discuss department budget for upcoming fiscal year. While talking, draw picture of house. Feel special pride in the way the smoke spirals out of chimney. Tape picture to wall next to trophy for company T-ball championship.

3:00 p.m. Attend mandatory Employees' Committee workshop entitled "Ear Infections Are EVERYBODY'S Business." Session comes to abrupt halt when VP of finance jams eraser up nose.

3:30 p.m. E-mail from director of marketing: "I'm not accusing anyone but my blanky was in the copy room and now it's not. I hope whoever 'accidentally' took it will please return it, no questions asked. Otherwise I'm telling."

4:05 p.m. Ask Marco in adjoining cubicle to stop making "vroom-vroom" noises when he moves the mouse.

4:45 p.m. Try to duck out early, thus avoiding mandatory singing of "Cleanup" song with co-workers. Busted by supervisor, who announces that no one is leaving until everyone is sitting quietly.

4:55 p.m. Retrieve jacket from hook. Supervisor helps with zipper. Wave bye-bye to Cheryl at the front desk. Step into elevator. Press all the buttons.

Need a gift for that special shallow someone?

In my continuing quest to catalog the cheesiest products on the planet, I present the Dolce & Gabbana RAZR, yours for only $500. This product should be subject to a 100% "dumbass" tax, with all the proceeds going to charities to benefit the 11 million African AIDS orphans. Yeah, I know... wacky liberals and their taxes...

Gobble Gobble

Thanksgiving began at 6:30am when Rhubarb's alarm went off and I thought to myself, "I wonder if I could convince her we should give the race a miss and just go out for dim sum instead?" I managed to keep my mouth shut and we made it out to Ocean Beach for the Turkey Trot. We had both been poo-pooing a 10k, figuring we'd been running enough half marathons to say, "I don't get out of bed for less than 10 miles." But I've always wanted to do a Turkey Trot, and when I heard there were costumes I was sold. A turkey started off the race, and the idea was to catch up to the turkey. As you can see, we eventually suceeded, albeit at the end of the race. I'm not sure who the little munchkins are in the picture, we just got tired of waiting for them to clear out and instead hustled in on their turkey for a photo op. Anyway, about the costumes. There were some folks dressed up as pilgrims, and then there were some folks dressed up as things that would be slaughtered by pilgrims (turkeys and Native Americans). There was even a cow with a sign that read, "Eat more turkee." I hope she saves the sign and does the run formerly-known-as The Run to the Far Side. Good Far Side themed costume, even if the run is no longer associated with the comic. So the measely 6 miles feels longer on sand. I forgot how much I feel like a toddler when I run on the beach. The instability is a little odd.

After the race, we proceeded to Boo's place where she had cooked up a fine breakfast indeed. I'm talking mimosas, pancakes, bacon (sweeeeet delicious bacon!), fruit and scrambled eggs. She even heated the gourmet maple syrup. I ate my weight in breakfast, way more calories than I burned during the run. But I figure, if you can't be fat and happy on Thanksgiving, when can you?

And finally, for those who have everything but taste...

Tell your host or hostess, "I think you're tacky." by presenting him or her with this carefully crafted limoges box, which can be yours for the low, low price of $169. WTF?

On a happier note, if you're not sure what wine to serve at Thanksgiving, check out this handy article from the Chronicle. And with that, Happy Thanksgiving! I'm off to go buy different wines!

UrbanCougar

Is it admirable or is it appalling? I haven't decided. But it is fascinating.

Have you ever googled yourself?

Sometimes you don't want to see what people with the same name are doing. They may be writing sex books.


I like the way to book title is the "Little Bit Naughty Book of Sex Positions" As opposed to the very uptight book of sex positions that is endorsed by the Southern Baptists? I guess that would be the Book of Sex Position.

Rummy, rummy, you're so fine! You're so fine you blow my mind!

Well, what shall I blog about today? Brit finally comes to her senses and dumps K-Fed? What I had for lunch?

Oh, that’s right. There was an ELECTION yesterday. It’s odd how now that I just vote absentee and don’t really get in on the ground floor, the election just kind of slips right by. I wasn’t even obsessively refreshing my browser all night to see what the stats were. Back when I was a political junkie last night would have been the highlight of two years of pounding the pavement in my local precincts, working phone banks and generally doing things that seem to elicit ill-will from otherwise upstanding members of society.

As I was driving home from the gym yesterday I was playing White House strategist in my head, which I recommend as a way to pass the time. I was thinking to myself that if I were Karl Rove... no, that thought is simply to hideous to contemplate. If I were a random GOP strategist, wouldn't I want to see Rumsfeld go? He's the least popular of any Republican political figure. There is widespread discontent in the amred forces about his failures as a leader. He's the Newt Gingrich of 2006. Someone give this man a sword to fall on! But no, they wait until AFTER the election hands Congress back to the Democrats to decide that maybe it's time for a change. So, let me get this right - you wait until things completely go to hell in a handbasket because you're unwilling to admit that a change may be necessary? Well, that's pretty much how everything alse has been handled, so I guess all I can say is at least they have a consistent strategy.

My favorite work event all year is held at the Claremont Resort, and in addition to the incredibly useful and rigorous substantive information it provides there's also a free spa treatment. And an open bar. Yes, it appeals to all my self-indulgent vices. I worked very hard for 48 hours to relax and it's taken that long to unclench.


Now I'm kicking it on JNC's couch and watching "Unleashed," one of the few Jet Li movies I haven't seen. There'a a promising fight scene, Jet Li just kicked the butts of about two dozen rough East Enders and now he's fighting some guy all in white. Ahhh... vacation!

Another "half" of a weekend

Last weekend I ran the Big Sur Half Marathon for the first time. Since I was knew I would be adding on another hour-long run that afternoon, I decided not to try to beat my time in San Jose and instead just go for something under 2:10. I ended up with a 2:03:51 which is kind of frustrating because if I hadn't had a whopper of a side stich the first three miles I think I could have beaten my San Jose time. I went to the race with two Ironwomen, who were able to drink coffee and eat a banana right before the race. Maybe that's something my body could eventually get used to, but if I try to drink coffee before a race now, I end up doubled-over in pain at the side of the road.

Running alongside Ironwoman #1 for most of the race, I realized I'm losing more time than I thought stopping at the aid stations. JNC almost has me convinced that I should do the US Half Marathon in San Francisco this weekend and one of the reasons I'm tempted is because I'd like to try carrying my own hydration and seeing if I can beat 2:00 again. I also want a chance to run on the Golden Gate again, that was a blast when I ran the first half of the San Francisco marathon in 2005. I also need to get my game face on for crossing the Bixby Bridge at the Big Sur International next April.

Boo!

I forgot it was Halloween today until I saw all the kids dressed up walking to the middle school. My favorite was dressed as the Monopoly game. He had the full game board stuck to his front and he had on a top hat and moustache like the Monopoly character.

Mom sent me her version of events from the local high school:

The school is just wonderful this morning. Fantastic costumes,
especially the teachers! One new, young teacher, who is very quiet came in dressed as a Roman Centurian. I was admiring his costume when he said very shyly "I do have shorts on underneath". I told him I wasn't thinking of checking.

Let's hope she can continue to resist checking for shorts on both the teachers and the students.

I can't wait for Molly!

Jesus. They're killing me with cuteness here. I want more friends to have kids so I can dress them up in these little costumes.

Happy Hour n Art

Nat's buddy Rob is having an opening tonight. Check out his site, there's all kinds of cool stuff!

Since You Asked

One of my delights in life is reading advice columns. Like proper English toffee and Veronica Mars, it’s chewy and should be savored. Yes, a television show can be chewy. Cary Tennis, whose column, Since You Asked, is on Salon, is a favorite. One of the things I like about Mr. Tennis’ column is that he has absolutely no professional qualifications. Oh, and he is a brilliant writer. He writes like I would like to – elegant, but with an occasional dose of profanity. He is gently encouraging and never shys away from telling people that there is no hope. Reading his columns, it's easy to see why he’s the kind of person that would frequently be called upon to give advice.

The letters he receives are consistent enough in tone and style that they must get a substantial amount of rework. The subjects, however, vary widely. Many ask for advice on family, sometimes the problems are more on etiquette than on life advice. Some probe the deepest beliefs and choices about our lives – and it is in response to these letters that Tennis is at his best. In one column, he responds to a 29-year-old woman who has been abruptly dumped by her boyfriend of 3.5 years. She is devastated, and her query is as much one of “why me?” as it is “what should I do?” Although what we’re dealing with here is a garden variety heartbreak, Tennis’ response recognizes how much grief his correspondent feels, and without being patronizing describes the futility of looking for reasons from deity or deities that may be loving and protective, or cruel and fickle:

We live on the fragile edge of annihilation, imperfectly sheltered from the void, open to the sky and to the asshole motherfucker gods who fuck with us night and day for their own amusement. We pray to a kind and loving insurance god who sometimes provides coverage but who just as often excludes on technicalities the calamities that befall us, looking the other way when he should be watching out for us. And this too amuses the asshole motherfucker gods, who may be many things but are not stupid or naive.

But there's more too it than that. Screw the gods, he says, you already have the strength inside to get through this. All that we have to cling to is that we are stronger for the pain. Toughen it out, there’s no shortcut.

That's no consolation, really, is it. It's just the truth. You're wiser now though black and blue, sobbing in the firelight, waiting for dawn.

You can find an archive of his columns here.

CLA was roped into being a parent chaperone on her daughter’s kindergarten field trip. She and I have similar opinions about kids. We like the ones we know. We both agree that her kids are our favorite ones. Other people’s kids? Not so much. A room or car full of children puts me in fear of my life. It blows my mind that I get paid more to lawyer than a teacher does to corral several dozen five year olds. If I had that many kids in a room I’d need a lot of backup. A fire extinguisher, some rope, several cubes of bouillon and a New York City police officer on a horse. At least.

. All three kindergarten classes from the school went on the trip. One of the male teachers is what we call a “Santa Cruz type” – very earthy and touchy feely. Let’s call him Teacher Manuel. Probably he’s been living here so long he’s forgotten that the rest of the country hasn’t quite accepted the vegan-yoga lifestyle. Some of the kids were hitting each other and Teacher Manuel tries to explain to them why they shouldn’t fight: “Hands are not for hitting! Hands are for working the earth. And good loving…” At this, a couple of the parents unsuccessfully stifled a laugh. Good loving? Teacher Manuel glared at the giggling parents. He explained, lifting his hands as though to show the children, and explained further, “We love each other.” He didn’t mean it in a Barry White kind of way, he meant it in his Santa Cruz way – love in a holistic, positive, mother earth kind of way. I prefer the other kind, but I guess it’s one of those age-appropriate things

"I'm just trying to help out..."

A colleague got this spam email at work. It cracked me up because with all the people out there thinking they really can get a free gift card for Applebees if they just forward that email to a bazillion people, someone is going to think it's real. I bet there's a lot of Marks out there having a bad day.

From: Mark
Subject: Dieting

This is not meant to be an insult or anything
but people are talking at work about your weight.
I thought you should know. I know it would upset
you if you knew but I know some friends here and
outside work that have used a program that worked
within weeks. I am not pushing anything on you
but thought it wouldn't hurt if you looked at it.
I also think I am doing you a favor as it's always
nice when people talk about how much better you look
than how much you've been putting on. I hope I am
not intruding, just trying to help out. My cousin &
friend Alex used this and it helped alot. Here is
the page I know they got it from direct.
http://dailyplastic.com

Again, I'm just trying to help out.
Thanks for listening.

Mark

Now every time she walks by, we tell her "Hey, um, people have been talking about your weight..."

Steve Jobs is a bad lay.

"I've seen the demonstrations on the Internet about how you can find another person using a Zune and give them a song they can play three times. It takes forever. By the time you've gone through all that, the girl's got up and left! You're much better off to take one of your earbuds out and put it in her ear."
-Steve Jobs

This is kind of the problem with nerds. No finesse. Do not just "put it in her ear." Maybe she doesn't want to share earwax with you. Maybe she's just too polite to say, "But I don't like The Damnwells." Work your groove a little, Steve. Hold up the earbud and raise an eyebrow. Lean close and whisper, "Wanna listen?" Don't just whip it out and shove it in her ear. That's just a really good way to get smacked.

New blog

I added Axis of Aevil to my blog links. The author, an American, fell in love with a Finn and now they are married and live in Helsinki. Haven't we all fallen in love with a Finn and considered moving to Helsinki? Well, she's less averse to the cold weather than I am, so she actually did it. She's a great writer, and amazing photographer and a Bush-fearing liberal. You see why I'm a fan.

Made with extra Yum.

May I recommend the Mendocino Chocolate Company, for all your gift-giving needs? The truffles, in particular, are fantastic.

Lightbulb

I’m SO glad I went to class last night.

The subject was “Greece, Homer and the Hero” and the assigned reading was the first book of the The Iliad. The text that we used is Robert Fagles’ translation. I found this site with an example of the important differences a translation can make.

I admit, I skimmed the reading and came away feeling the same as I did when we read Shakespeare’s Julius Caesar in my sophomore year of high school. I had a basic sense of the plot and the main characters, but the beauty of it was totally lost on me. This is precisely why I’m taking the class – even if I did have the discipline to sit around and read Homer, I’m not going to get anything out of it that way. The way the professor explained the story is in the context of how the ancient Greeks perceive the human relationship with God, and the role of man (and let’s face it, it was just man) in the universe.

The excitement of the story really came alive, especially since the story was an oral tradition, a 16,000 line poem that was memorized and passed from generation to generation before Homer wrote it down. You can really see how it would be to sit around a fire and have someone telling it aloud, talking about how angry Achilles’ words had made Agamemon:

“…among them rose the fighting son of Atreus, lord of the far-flung kingdoms, Agamemnon – furious, his dark hear filled to the brim, blazing with anger now, his eyes like searing fire.”

I can just see the little Greek kids wanting to hear just a little more, just five more minutes, before having to go to bed.

Hearing the words spoken aloud, especially the way the mortals in the story struggle and interact with the Gods, it made me suddenly realize why this was such an amazing period, and why, at the end of the Dark Ages, the early Renaissance artists and philosophers sought out inspiration from the ancient Greeks. I knew that, that message had been drummed into my head in college humanities classes, but it never quite clicked until last night.

We were looking at a slide of the Parthenon, and the professor described the way the building mirrors ancient Greek philosophy of man – that humankind should seek up to attain it’s full potential. The elegant columns reaching from the earth to the sky, the architecture reflects that ethos of man reaching for the sky. Then I thought of the churches built in the dark ages, the so much cruder images of man hunched down, the threat of damnation keeping man cowering in fear. A light went on and I suddenly understood in a way I just hadn’t before.

My Life As A Teenage Girl

Tonight is my Western Civ class, and we’re discussing The Iliad. This is exactly the reason that I took this class – I’m not ever going to read The Iliad on my own and get any more out of it than, “Huh?” But it was a long, if fun, weekend, and I’ve already driven over the hill once this morning to go to a seminar on employment law in Asia. I only had a few hours in my own bed. I want my soft sheets and towels. I want to watch the Netflix DVD I got today, the Season One, Disc 4 of Veronica Mars. I've basically reverted to adolescence. I know I should study, I accept that going to class would be better for my brain, but what I really want is to go home, lie in bed, eat junk food and watch UPN.

I am logging 40+ miles per week, I’m still in my first few months as an attorney, I’m taking a Western Civ class and preparing for the California Real Estate Brokers exam. Veronica is my brain candy, and the sugar rush is so sweet.

Blogging with baby.

No, not MY baby! What, you think I could keep something like that secret? JNC's sorority sister dropped her daughter Trinity off this morning for JNC to watch while she's at work. I've talked on the phone to Trinity plenty of times, but never met her in person. She's even smarter in person than on the phone!

Watching and 18-month old, even for like 2 hours, reminds me how much goes into raising a child. I can't imagine trying to do this on your own, 24-hours a day. Quite frankly, I have a hard time imagining it with a fleet of support staff at your beck and call. Trinity's a good kid, she's very giggly and smart, and she entertains herself. She seems to entertain herself mostly by ripping up and trying to eat magazines, but still.

Besides eating magazines and talking on the phone, Trinity likes to try on shoes. I was flattered that from the moment of her arrival, she went straight for the shoes I'd brought with me, a pair of sparkly silver heels and a pair of black satin stilletos with pink rhinestones. Like a true Cinderella, she slipped her foot right in the sparkly silver number and proceeded to walk around Jenn's place, showing off her new footwear.

Vacation Day

Today is a vacation day and I'm kickin' it Chez Rhubarb, aka JNC. I really like crashing here, not just because she is a great hostess and lives in one of my favorite neighborhoods, but also because she's generally got great snacks around. Here's some things I've found in her cupboards and fridge:

1. Orange jello, one serving of the pre-made kind.
2. Powdered chai mix from Cost Plus
3. Trader Joe's Traderade
4. Drumsticks (like, the ice cream!!!)
5. Lots of Gu and protein bars
6. Popsecret microwave popcorn (in the freezer... hmmm...)

I've been looking forward to doing a run up here so I can explore her neighborhood a little more. She lives off Mandana Ave, between Piedmont and the Grand Ave area. Lots of hills, which sounded good until I woke up this morning with a headache, thanks to the free cocktails at the Sample Angel and Niketown events.

High mileage.

So, speaking of Greek folks, Dean Karnazes is attempting to run 50 marathons in 50 states in 50 days. Well, aren’t some people just full of spunk? Actually, I really admire him for doing this, because he’s trying to bring some attention to the benefits of exercise, as well as the obesity epidemic that is engorging the country (can I metaphor or what?).

There’s a good Runner’s World article about it here, and Karnazes is blogging the events here.

Perverts!

I'm trying to find documentaries on Netflix to round-out my reading for my Western Civ class. The best thing about Netflix, like Amazon, is reading the user reviews. One viewer of a History Channel documentary, "In Search of History: The Greek Gods," warned parents about all the nudity:

"However, most of the male statuary is filmed from the perspective of one looking up at somewhat massive male anatomy and the majority of the females are painted topless. I encourage a parent review the film before showing it to a kid. My twelve-year-old daughter was fascinated by the mythology, but pretty uncomfortable with the artwork."

First of all, explain to me how you make a documentary about ancient Greece without using ancient Greek statues. They didn't exactly leave behind a CD-ROM to help us out. That's what's left! It's all we've got!

Second, do you really want to admit to the rest of the world that you find the male genitals on Greek statues, "massive?" I can't shake the image of Milton Milquetoast in his little suburban shower, staring forlornly down at himself, and wondering if his wife is maybe a little too friendly with Mr. Andronikos down the street.

Shoes, glorious shoes.

Fabulous new shoe site, Barefoot Tess. Check out Jeffrey Campbell.

With 22 seconds to spare!

1:59:38!

Damn, now I have to beat that time.

Ow.

The first-ever, world-premiere San Jose Rock n Roll Half Marathon, was a stunning success! Well, at least I think it was. I eagerly sauntered to the start line this morning with 15,000 of my fellow running enthusiasts. After the Mermaid, I felt so good I told everyone that I must not be trying hard enough because I don't seem to get sore. I credited lots of use of Amino Vital recovery juice, streching, and adequate preparation. All those things are great, but as it turns out I was right, I just wasn't trying hard enough. I know that now because I busted my butt today out there and OH do I feel it right now! I'm almost as sore as the time I did a squat workout with TB, and I walked funny for days after that.

Now that I have a couple of pretty much all standard running distances under my belt, I'm trying to PR those distances. In 2005, I did San Francisco in just over 2 and a half hours, so for this much flatter distance I told myself I would try to break two hours, which is not very impressive for a half marathon, but I think it's respectable. I just wanted a "1" at the front of my time. Did I do it? I'm not sure! I hit my stopwatch as my timing chip and I crossed the start line, and as I panted across the finish it was 1:59 and some numbers at the end I didn't catch. So I'll have to check the results online and find out. They're supposed to be up later tonight.

The best part of this race was having friends there, too. JNC and her cousin Michelle came down to do the half, their first for both, and both of them finished WAY ahead of their goal time. After I finished, I circled back to find JNC and ran the last mile or so with her. I've known JNC long enough to know that there are sometimes that she doesn't need to see your peppy side, and after 12 miles of running is one of those times. She was in her zone, and we quietly jogged through the last mile of pain together. I was really excited to be able to run the last part of it with her. The fatigue I'd felt the last few miles the first time was gone because I was there to support a friend - it wasn't about me the second time I crossed the finish line.

I will say this for those P.F. Chang folks, they put on a seriously organized race. There were plenty of porta-potties, and the carrel system worked really well. The post-finish line setup was perfect: cold water, get your chip removed, photos, more drinks, carbs and fruit. The gear check lines were short and all the volunteers were great. I'd definitely do this one again, except now I'll have an even shorter time to beat!

I found this along the street a few weeks ago. I wonder if they ever found him!

Molly update!

Nat's baby, who I have decided will be called Molly, has already showed how much she loves her Auntie Siobhan by being a girl.

Nat and Michael went to the ultrasound (sonagram? I never know the difference) on Monday and it has been confirmed that the baby, which is being called Mopsy in utero, will be of the female variety. Nat showed me a picture and said, "That's her vagina." Neither of us could tell from the blurry black and white photo, but there was another one where you could see her hand and it looked like she was waving! So cute. It's exciting to look at the photos and then look at Nat's tummy: Molly's in there! It's hard to believe. Then we took a ruler and measured 14 cm, which is how long Molly is right now, and we held the ruler up to Nat's tummy to see how big that is. It didn't look like much room to me, but CLA insists, "She's got swimming space in there." Nat's got a nice roomy uterus.

Nat is due January 28, so that gives me 131 shopping days, not including today. I better get to work if Molly is going to have the proper wardrobe when she arrives.

What's up with this spinach thing, eh? Kind of makes you wonder what they were doing to the produce.

I still can't find the bloody USB cord for my camera. I have fabulous and shameful photos that I am prepared to post on the internet and I can't because I'm missing hardware. Maybe this is a sign that I should finish unpacking the gigantic pile of "stuff" on my desk. I bet I'd find the cord. Too distracted by Yelping at the moment, though.

Pumpkin Down Under

Guess what, homes? I'm going to Australia. I've joined the Ya Ya's Down Under Trip*. We're arriving in Sydney on December 18 and leaving fromt he same place on January 2nd.... um, that's as far as we've gotten. But I'm sure there will be more planning done soon!


*This is an Official Ya Ya Event as sanctioned by the Ya Ya Adventures Abroad Board, a division of the Ya Ya Organization. All Ya Ya Events are conducted under the official Ya Ya Rules. See Ya Ya Blog for details.

Bar fights!

Whew. What a weekend. Between the stripper and the triathlon and the driving 350 miles, I feel like I've been in a bar fight. Ok, I don't know what it feels like to be in a bar fight, but I bet you feel like you want to sleep for about 15 hours. No such luck, though! I lobbied my gym to start morning classes and, largely at my insistence, they started a 6am spin class. So I'm sort of obligated to go. I'll have to blog more about the assorted hijinks of the weekend when I'm able to type without resting my head on the keyboard. I hope that will be tomorrow.

Jenn sent me a link to one of her posts on Yelp.com, and I began tracking her progress on her posts. Much like the way she does tequila shots in Mexico, she was racking them up at an alarming rate. Then I saw a few things that I thought I should weigh in on, and boom, before you know it, I'd posted damn near a dozen reviews and was getting really stoked when my reviews would be marked with a "funny" or a "cool." By having a method of people telling you that you're "cool" Yelp.com has really tapped into the part of me that still desperately desires social acceptance. Turns out junior high isn't quite as over as I thought it was!

I have a sneaking suspicion that Yelping will eventually go the way of Friendster, and I'll regret all the time and energy I spent writing reviews in as "cool" a way as possible. In the meantime, check out my reviews by clicking on the yelp link on this blog, and be sure to check out "Jenn c." while you are there. Right now, she's my only friend, but I'm hoping to ride her yelp coattails to popularlity. Now if only I can find my old Guess jeans...

Real men don't wear pants.

Feel strongly about kilts?

You are not the only one.

Making up for lost time...

Thank goodness that one of the Ya Ya’s is a better blogger than I am! You can read about J’s birthday winetasting here, and the Ya Ya camping trip here.

Well now, all I have to do is write about Vegas (waiting to find the USB cord to my camera), my court victory, and the broken air conditioning. I’m not going to talk about The Boy That I Like ("TBTIL"). It’s just not a good idea to put details of your dating life on the internet.

Bugger!

It's been so long since I updated the blog that I have a backlog of exciting events:

1. Birthday spectacular in Vegas.
2. Ya Ya camping trip.
3. The unqualified success that was my first court appearance.
4. J's birthday wine tasting extravaganza.
5. I like a boy.
6. The air conditioning in my car is broken.

Just one, please.

When I was with The Finn, for the first half of my third decade, we both planned on getting married. We “knew” we wanted to be together, have kids together, the whole nine yards. But over time I began to see that the life he had in mind was not the life I wanted. And I saw traits in him that I didn’t want in a partner. Since we broke up I’ve never once wanted to be married. But as thirty approaches, it seems I’ve missed the Commandment that dictates, “Thou Shalt Seek To Entrap A Man In Matrimony.”

When TB moved and that relationship ended, missing him was made worse by people behaving as though I’d just lost a horse race. What initially appeared to be polite sympathy that our relationship had ended was eventually revealed as pity that I had lost a race to the alter. A race I didn’t know I was supposed to be in.

The worst part of the “You Lost” attitude is the unspoken judgment that there must be something wrong with me if I couldn’t entrap my boyfriend into marriage. This attitude was exemplified by my mother who told me, “If he loved you, he’d stay.” I can always rely on my mother to twist the knife after she’s plunged it in.

Many of my single friends relate to the predicament of being pressured into the suspect institution of marriage. JNC has been in marathon wedding attendance and is ready to disembowel the next person who says, “Don’t worry, it will be your turn soon.” Or my personal favorite, “You’ll find someone, too.” The irony that JNC and I have shared is that as we look at the grooms in question, we’re usually thinking, “I’m gonna have to take a pass.” The wide-eyed men staring in horror as their jumbo bride stumbles down the aisle is no prize himself. At one wedding where JNC was given the “your day will come,” treatment, the bride had been asking her for advice on the groom’s outstanding warrant. Yeah, there’s a keeper.

Of course, there are some couples who I'm pleased to see go down the aisle because they seem very committed to each other, and to genuinely want to be married. I admire them for undertaking a huge commitment to each other. I'm sufficiently aware of the seriousness of that commitment that for now, I think it's best that I avoid it.

A recent MSN article, cites a study that 44% percent of husbands have had an extramarital affair and this – wait a minute. Did I read that correctly? FORTY-FOUR PERCENT? Why would anyone get married with these kind of failure rates? Dr. Ruth to makes some sense of the numbers, surmising that the high rate cheating has more to do with the high rate of bad relationships, “My suspicion is that in the vast majority of cases where cheating takes place, there is something inherently amiss in the relationship. So I am quick to dismiss the idea that it’s simply that men are inherently unfaithful.” Dr. Ruth’s optimism not withstanding, that doesn’t really hold out for most of the marriages I’ve seen. Every time a man leaves a woman, it’s been for another woman. Men don’t leave unless they have another woman’s bed to go to.

Growing up, I got to see not one but two marriages break up. The marriages of three women I know well were wrecked by infidelity. Not only did their lives implode, the effect on their self-esteem will last for decades. After all this… marriage just doesn’t sound that fun to me. I don’t want to spend every day looking over my shoulder at every woman who eyes my husband a little too long, or eyeing my thighs for the first suspicion of cellulite that will send him hurtling into the arms of someone younger and firmer.

So if I haven’t made that run to alter just yet, stayed tuned. I may have made the wisest commitment of all – to myself.

At Target last Sunday afternoon.

Young man examines drop-leaf wood table and chairs. A blonde woman stands behind him, arms crossed. He has a scanner in her hand, the kind that the stores use when you are creating a registry.

Man: “This table would work.”
Silence from the scowling blonde.
Man: “We could get the chairs, too. It would fit right in the dining area.”
Woman: “Eh.”
Man: “I’m registering for it.”
Woman: “Go ahead. I’ll just return it.”
Man: “You say that about everything I want.”
Woman (walking towards the coffeemakers): “And I’ll return everything you want, too.”

After hearing this exchange, I was suddenly filled with warm relief that I didn’t have to compromise on anything I put in my cart. Lavendar scented laundry detergent. Grapefruit-infused dishwashing liquid. A red kitchen timer. Glamour magazine. Bliss.

A perfectly nice run ruined by large-scale international atrocities.

Well, I got to the race, had the usual crowd insanity that kept me from running it competitively. Felt like a bad ass running back while people were still finishing. Some of the people who cheer from the side were still there as I came back. As I passed a family putting away their lawn chairs, a girl yelled, "Hey! How far have you run?" I smiled at her and said, "About 9 miles." I could tell the distance didn't mean much to her but she went to the trouble of raising her eyebrows: "Cool." she said. I know how much effort it takes to get a "cool" out of a pre-teen, and it was at that moment that I decided I was officially a badass. I was tempted to revoke my title later when I was clocked by three lithe sprinters doing about an eight-minute-mile pace just as I was contemplating a walk break.

Came home, read about Lebanon, wanted to throw up. The UN High Commissioner of Human Rights was interviewed on NPR last week and brought up the possibility of investigating war crimes because of the high rate of civilian casualties. All this while Bush chews on a roll while Tony Blair tries to get his attention. Bush's answer: "Yeah, I think ahm gonna send Condi over there pretty soon." Is this The Decider we've heard so much about? Wow. You're blowing me away with the Decidin' while innocent people are being shelled by weapons my country sold to Israel.

The Wharf to Wharf race is in less than 12 hours... and I can't find my bib. I took extra care to be sure to be one of the people from work to sign up for my free registration, and even packed the bib in a "safe place" during the move so I could find it quickly when I unpacked. I have a really bad feeling the "safe place" is at work. Now, I have enough W2W shirts to cloth a large family - what I'm interested in is the refreshments at the end. I'm walking from my house to the start and then running back home after the race - about 12 miles. I was really hoping not to have to bring water and gu for the run since I could just get some kind sports drink at the end of the race to give me enough juice to get back home. I think I'm going to just head out in the morning and hope for the best. Doesn't that sound like a good idea?

This is quite possibly the most fabulous bag ever. And I am its proud owner. I think the straps might dig a little when I have my laptop in it, but it's worth it for the fabulosity.

If all goes well, my high-speed internet will be connected (that's wireless, baby) tonight or tomorrow. Depending on what time I get home tonight. Hopefully, I'll be doing a different kind of "hooking up" tonight and the internet will have to wait until Friday. Then I will be able to post on meaningful topics and actually use this site to practice writing and not just making vague references to my love life.

No More Kitty Litter Box!

I came home last night around 7pm to find my apartment full of shirtless, sweaty, tattooed men. Well, "full of" may be a bit of an overstatement since there were really only two of them but it seemed like it was full. I didn't mind them being there becuase they were almost done with my carpet. It makes a huge difference, it looks so new and smells great. The sweaty men apparently do not vacuum the carpet after they are done, so there were lots of little carpet bits for me to clean up. They swept the carpet, though. Men. Sigh.

Before the sweaty carpet guys came, I had been asked to put all the boxes that had not been unpacked (because the carpet still had to go in) into the kitchen and bathroom because those have a linoleum floor and, I assumed, the sweaty carpet guys would not need to get in there. Apparently I was wrong...

I noticed last night as I was unpacking that the boxes had been moved around. There was also a glass that had been used for water on the kitchen counter. When I left in the morning there was NO WAY anyone could have gotten to the sink, much less to the kitchen cabinet for a glass. So I'm not sure what occurred that the sweaty carpet guys had to get into the bathroom and the kitchen. At first I was a little nervous that my boxes had been moved around. Then when I went into the bedroom I realized they had to remove the drawers from my dresser to move it, which means they saw the World's Largest Bra Collection. I know this because they reversed the order of the drawers and put the bras at the bottom and the pajamas at the top (see "men," "sigh," above).

Lazy Blogger's Busy At Work: McSweeny's

WARNINGS I'VE TRIED TO SNEAK INTO THE FINE PRINT AT THE BOTTOM OF YOUR TV SCREEN.

BY DAN KENNEDY

- - - -

Professional stunt person. Do not attempt on your own. Always wear proper safety gear when riding any motorcycle. Getting back to the so-called professional stunt person at hand: He's good, but he's not that good. Fact is, he had been out of work for a while and was willing to come down a bit in his fee, which worked for us because we had to adhere to a very small, very restrictive budget to shoot and produce this advertisement. But seriously, I'm telling you, he showed up on the set smelling of Irish coffee and cigarettes and was clearly dealing with recent heartbreak. But damned if he didn't nail this on the first take. Which, I guess, if you think about it, is the definition of the consummate professional.

- - - -

Results may vary from market to market. All investments carry some degree of risk and should be discussed with a qualified financial professional. For instance: I, the copywriter for this commercial, was a multimillionaire for all of about nine months before finding out venture capitalists were running scared from tech companies, the market was tanking, and I was in the hole to the tune of eight hundred grand. I drank alone for a month before even thinking about taking a shower, and that's all I have to say about the year 2000.

- - - -

Professional driver on closed course. Which, yes, is to say that you should not attempt this on your own, but I'll tell you what: If I were you, and I were behind the wheel of a BMW 745 with even three car lengths of open road ahead of me, I'd push it a little bit, you know what I mean? What's the sense of having this thing if you're not going to feel it? Now, you put me in that same car on Highway 1 between Stinson Beach and Point Reyes, like this stuff we're showing you here? And I've got a goddamn helicopter tracking me, some director hanging out the side door with a movie camera stuffed with 35-millimeter film catching every turn at a dramatic, overcranked, heart-wrenching 48 frames a second, and the color's going to get saturated to the point of ecstasy in postproduction? Hell yes, I'm going to attempt something. Count on it, man. A professional driver I am not. But you will see some driving, my friend.

So I'm all moved into my new apartment and although there are some issues with it, I can definitely say that I will die there. That's because I'm Never Moving Again. The entire process lasted eight hours, cost almost a thousand dollars, and used up every last ounce of my mental and physical energy.

The movers were supposed to arrive around 8:30 but didn't show up until 11:10, for reasons that were never entirely clear to me. Since it took damn near four hours to load the truck (caveat: this is entirely my fault for having too much stuff) it was about 3:00 by the time we were ready to leave Campbell for Santa Cruz. This means peak traffic on Highway 17, so it took almost 2 hours for the truck to get to my new place. And of course since you get billed for double drive time, this meant I was billed over 3 hours of drive time alone. What does this add up to? A severe crisis in the financial budget. I'll have to go on a shoe-buying diet.

When the movers eventually showed up in the morning I almost had a heart attack. I expected a couple of burly guys, and these kids looked like they weren't even out of high school. My mother has a bit of a soft spot for young people she perceives to have grown up without the opportunity for education that she thinks they should have had. She believes that a thorough exposure to Victorian literature will turn the most taciturn gangsta into an erudite intellectual. She did her best to be Annie Sullivan to their Helen Keller and questioned them closely about when they would go back to school and what their favorite subjects were ("Uh, lunch, I guess..."). If they had been black, I think she would have tried to take them home with her. She wanted to mentor, I wanted to move.

Mummy dearest was terrified that the movers were working too hard and tried to keep up by bringing down at least as many heavy boxes as they did. As her face got redder, and she got sweatier and out of breath, I tried to convince her to slow down. She's 65, has dangerously high cholesterol which she refuses to take any medication for, and an extremely stressful job. Take all these factors, add a move from a third-floor apartment on a hot day, and you're looking at a heart attack waiting to happen. I kept telling her to take a break, sit down, stay cool, but she kept pleading with me, "They're working so hard!" she'd say, gesturing to her proteges. "Yes," I'd point out, "They're supposed to be. I'm paying them." Later, I discovered that they were making $8 and $11 per hour, although I was paying the moving company $90 per hour for their labor alone. After that, even I was willing to cut them a little slack. I brought some lunch back to the apartment with me and kept them well hydrated. I guess the fact that they didn't have the foresight to bring water with them can be chalked up to a lack of Dickens.

Moving also reminded me about why I miss having a boyfriend. When you are moving all your belongings it's really good to be able to have someone to help you through it, who can tell you everything going to be ok, and hold your hair when you throw up from the sheer anxiety of it all.

What really blew my mind was thinking about CLA and her partner having their entire house remodeled while they had a 4 year old and another on the way. The thing about being pregnant while doing home repairs is you can't take Valium. At least I could rely on pharmaceuticals to get me through the stress.

Hey, someone who had a worse weekend than me!

The Big Move is tomorrow and my insides are in a tizzy. what if my color-coded labesl fall off? What if a glass breaks? What if my mother opens the wrong box and finds sex toys?

Bacon is pure poetry

As promised, JNC's Bacon Haiku:

Bacon is yummy
I like it with eggs and toast
My arteries clog