6.26.2007

One Amendment down, nine to go!

Does the timing of the Paris Hilton jailhouse Hokey Pokey seem a little odd to you? I mean, she's in, she's out, she's in again and then BOOM she's out. It was almost as though it was manipulated behind the scenes. It all became clear to me when the U.S. Supreme Court released its decision in Morse v Frederick on Monday, the same day that Paris was finally released back to her well-earned life of luxury. Coincidence? Just think about it - if Paris wasn't dominating the media, maybe more attention would have been paid to a decision that further chips away at your right to free speech. Allow me to explain.

On January 24, 2002, students at Juneau-Douglas High School were told they could leave class to go to the front of the high school to watch the Olympic torch make its way through the town. The torch was on its way to the Olympic Games in Salt Lake City. Joseph Frederick, a student at Juneau-Douglas High School, unfurled a banner that read "BONG HiTS 4 JESUS." Not, perhaps, the statement that one would choose to make the focal point of a Constitutional battle, but it is what it is. One of the major cases in student free speech rights is Tinker v Des Moines Independent Community School Dist, 39 U.S. 503 (1969). In the Tinker case, students wore black armbands to school to protest the Vietnam War. The next day, wearing armbands was banned at the school. The wore the armbands anyway and were suspended. The Supreme Court held that student expression may not be suppressed unless school officials reasonably conclude that it will "materially and substantially disrupt the work and discipline of the school." Frederick's high school argued that its actions were legal because Frederick's banner advocated drug use. Frederick says



The Ninth Circuit held that the school's actions violated Frederick's rights because there was no "risk of substantial disruption." The Supremes reversed, holding that the banner advocated drug use and that Frederick was present at a school-sponsored activity, and therefore the school had the authority to confiscate the banner and suspend Frederick. That the banner could "reasonably regarded as encouraging illegal drug use," is ludicrous. There's an element to the majority's decision that smacks of "we'll show those pot smoking hippies."


The standard for free speech in a school is justifiably different than free speech in a public street. Fair enough. But as the dissent points out that one need not find otherwise to still conclude Frederick's First Amendment rights were violated. Does this banner advocate drug use? That seems like a stretch. In the dissent, Justice Stevens explains why that's important:

Frederick's credible and uncontradicted explanation for the message--he just
wanted to get on television--is also relevant because a speaker who does not
intend to persuade his audience can hardly be said to be advocating
anything.7 But most importantly, it takes real imagination to read
a "cryptic" message (the Court's characterization, not mine, see ibid., at 6)
with a slanting drug reference as an incitement to drug use. Admittedly, some
high school students (including those who use drugs) are dumb. Most students,
however, do not shed their brains at the schoolhouse gate, and most students
know dumb advocacy when they see it. The notion that the message on this banner
would actually persuade either the average student or even the dumbest one to
change his or her behavior is most implausible. That the Court believes such a
silly message can be proscribed as advocacy underscores the novelty of its
position, and suggests that the principle it articulates has no stopping
point.

And later, in my favorite section of the dissent:
If Frederick's stupid reference to marijuana can in the Court's view
justify censorship, then high school students everywhere could be forgiven for
zipping their mouths about drugs at school lest some "reasonable" observer
censor and then punish them for promoting drugs.

Another thing that confuses me about this is when standing on a public street became a "School sponsored activity." Frederick was late to school that day - he hadn't attended any classes, but went straight to the event. He was standing on a public street. A public street. Standing on a public street with a stupid banner during a school day is now restricted speech? Scary.

By the way, the attorney who argued for the high school was none other than Kenneth Starr, who's been merrily chipping away at the Bill of Rights from his Luthor Lair, Pepperdine University Law School. Did I mention that Kenneth Starr is Paris Hilton's godfather? Ok, I made that list bit up, but seriously, folks, isn't that "vast right wing conspiracy" starting to make just a teeny-weeny little bit of sense now...? Are the pieces starting to fall into place...?

The full text of the opinion is here.

6.25.2007

Misunderstood.

I was describing to JFJ how what the Pride festival is like and how packed the Civic Center gets.

JFJ: I wonder what it's like for street people this weekend?

Me: Well, I guess if you're a scavenger you can probably pick up a lot of bottles and stuff for recycling. But if you're mentally ill it must just seem like all your paranoid fantasies come to life. It could be nightmarish.

JFJ: Hm.

a few moment pass...

Me: But I guess being homeless and mentally ill is always rough. Maybe pride weekend is no worse.

JFJ: Oh! I said straight people, not street people.

6.22.2007

JFJ pointed this out.

As you ponder your selection for the "Which Ya Ya?" contest below, you may want to spend some time perusing my new favorite column, "The Unethicist." Gawker describes:


"The Ethicist" is Randy Cohen's long-running advice column in the New York Times. Each week, Gabriel Delahaye's "The Unethicist" will answer the same questions as "The Ethicist," with obvious differences."

Top Ten Things That Happened to Ya Yas While I Haven't Been Blogging

10. A Ya Ya packed for her impending move to Germany.

9. A Ya Ya got a dog.

8. A Ya Ya went to Gay Porn Star Karaoke at the Hi-Dive.

7. A Ya Ya got a new job.

6. A Ya Ya went to a bat mitzvah (not her own).

5. A Ya Ya did a triathlon and beat her PR by 10 minutes.

4. A Ya Ya went to Russia.

3. A Ya Ya has a girlfriend.

2. A Ya Ya booked her trip to Peru.

1. A Ya Ya got married.


Of these 10 things, the Ya Ya that was involved in 3 of them was me. Guess which 3 and win a prize.

6.04.2007

It's an evolution-themed week here at On The Rocks...

Ok, folks, cancel those flights to Orlando because I've got some summer vacation plans for you that are going to blow Disneyworld right into the hereafter (um, I'm afraid that's true. Stop worshipping idols of oversize rodents, you heathens).

That's right, ladies and gentiles, it's the Creation Museum, a 65,000 square foot "walk through history" that "brings the pages of the Bible to life." The Creation Museum appears to be the Bible Belt's answer to natural history and science museums across the country, only it's not pretending to teach you anything, so it's probably a lot more fun. The Creation Museum promises "murals and realistic scenery, computer-generated visual effects, over fifty exotic animals, life-sized people and dinosaur animatronics, and a special-effects theater complete with misty sea breezes and rumbling seats." Take that, American Museum of Natural History! The Creation Museum can be as fun as it wants, because it's got The Lord on it's side! I bet there's no preachy environmental exhibits at the Creation Museum. And the website specifies that firearms are not permitted in the museum.

Thanks to the efforts of an intrepid student at Eastern Kentucky University, you can see photos of the museum as the finishing touches are added. I have to tell you, I simply cannot wait to get myself to Petersburg, Kentucky, so I can check my .45 at the door and get me some interactive learnin' to offset all those years at university!

No, seriously. It actually looks really fun. I'm concerned that I'm funding Operation Rescue with the price of my admission fee, but surely I can offset that with a substantial donation to Planned Parenthood or the Act Up...? This is a good example of why the Christian right will eventually win over this country. They make stuff fun and cool. Science involves lots of hard work and studying. And nerds. And when it comes to being a fundamentalist, all you really need is The Bible and zeal.

The thing that kills me about Christian fundamentalists is that they're really, really good at what they do. Even though I mock them, I bet the folks at the Creation Museum would be pretty nice if this pro-choice, Hillary-loving, Catholic California girl showed up. They believe they are saving the country. They have a clear vision of what they hope to achieve. They're cohesive, they're organized, and they have extremely slick marketing. This is something the Christian left could never hope to achieve. We've got, like, Al Franken and the Prius. That's the best we've got, America! Good luck!

6.01.2007

Scotts Valley 5-0

A recent selection from the blotter of the Scotts Valley Police Department, showcasing many fine criminal minds at work.

May 22
At 4:39pm a man on the 4600 block of Scotts Valley Drive whistled at a woman driving by, assuming, perhaps, that she was alone in the car. This prompted a man in the passenger’s seat to sit up and instruct the woman to stop the car. The man reportedly jumped out of the car and punched the whistler in the face, leaving him with a broken nose (I think we can all agree what's interesting about this story is how it's unclear what the guy was doing in the passenger seat that he couldn't be seen... hmmm...)


May 26
Two men went into a store on the corner of Granite Creek Road and Santa’s Village Road and reportedly began loading up two baskets with alcohol and food. When they got what they wanted, the men ran out through the emergency exit to an awaiting vehicle. The vehicle was later found and its four occupants were arrested.

May 24
A 42 year-old man successfully lifted a bottle of Cook’s Champagne (they must mean "sparkling wine" - what is wrong with journalists today?) from a store on the 200 block of Mt. Hermon Road. Feeling confident, the man returned to steal two more bottles of bubbly, but he was caught, arrested for burglary and booked into Santa Cruz County jail.

Pun of the week

My colleague was describing a long-lost boyfriend to me in terms that made him sound very exotic and sexy. I tried to join in by telling her what kind of accent I thought he had but she told me I was wrong, he didn't have an accent. "Don't tell me the truth about him," I told her, "You'll ruin the fantasy I've cocked up for myself!"

I meant to say "cooked." My boss was there, too, and we laughed so hard we all had tears running down our faces.