Book Review: You Suck

Sometimes your brain just needs a vacation. For example, when your body has rid itself of every type of liquid in every way imaginable, and you feel like a smelly, crusty shell of a human being, that's a good time for some Christopher Moore.

Moore has written about the supernatural and the merely strange. I suppose you could just call them "outlandish tales," and as a bonus some of them take place right in lovely San Francisco. One of his first novels, Bloodsucking Fiends, is about a super-hot redhead, Jody. I love stories about super-hot redheads and this one had attained vixen-like status of which I can only dream. In Fiends, Jody was turned into a vampire by an ancient evil vampire. Then her boy toy and his colleagues from the night crew at the Marina Safeway hunt down the evil vampire before he destroys the city, wackiness ensures. You Suck picks up right where Bloodsucking Fiends left off so it's helpful but not necessary to have read the previous book. In fact, in a way that could be frustrating or is maybe just very cunning marketing, the characters from his other books make occasional appearances, and at one point intersect with the plot of A Dirty Job, one of my favorite Moore novels.

While it's fun to see characters from other novels, I've always thought one of Moore's strengths was the waay he really made each wacky character jump off the page. When you already know most of the characters, there's less to enjoy. In fact, some of the best parts of the book involve new characters, including Blue, a Vegas hooker who is actually, painted blue. Another new character is Abby Normal, the teenaged goth girl who befriends the Jody and the boy toy. One of the best parts of the book is her diary entry about meeting another character from Fiends called Steve. He has just saved her from a crowd of vampires with his UV-accessorized "totally race-pimped yellow Honda."

And I'm like, "Who the fuck are you?"

And he's like, "My name's Steve. I'm working on my biochem masters at S.F. State."

"Stop," I said. "Please do not further endorken yourself to me. You have great hair and a car that is most fly, and you have just saved me with your mad ninja driving skills, so do not sully your heroic hottie image in my mind by further reciting your nerdy scholastic agenda. Don't tell me what you're studying, Steve, tell me what's in your soul. What haunts you?"

And he was like, "Dude, you need to cut back on the caffeine."

Doesn't that just make you want to read the rest of the book? Unfortunately that was one of the few highlights for me. If Moore's work sounds like something you might enjoy, try Bloodsucking Fiends or The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove. See? Even the titles make you want to read them.

Parental guidance suggested: Novel contains scenes of hot vampire sex, nudity, and some gory vampire killing.