Would you like some fudge with that?

Back from North Carolina, God's sauna and fudgery. Here's what I have to say, initially: damn, it's hot there. And they eat a lot of fudge. There was a fudge shop in every damn shopping center we saw. JFJ's bag and the surfboards are still in the Atlanta airport because apparently 2 1/2 hours isn't enough time for Delta to transfer them between planes.

Scrumpy made sure to call me this morning and demand that I meet her for lunch and was offended that I was going to work and asked me in a vaguely threatening voice when we were going to get together. Did she ask how my vacation was? Ah, no? Did she think about the fact that we have a mountain of laundry and no groceries so maybe it wasn't optimal socializing time for me? Ah, no.

I will be spending all foreseeable holidays in Colorado with JFJ's family. Because I like them, and they seem to like me, which is more than I can say about the relatives I have in this country.

More about the vacation soon, I just had to get the Scrumpy rant off my chest.

Scammers: Beware of Otters!

In a former life, before me met me and discovered the joys of living la vida Redhead, JFJ got a Rolex as a gift from his former boss. It's spent most of its life in its original box, only to be brought out for the occassional wedding or job interview. JFJ is not really a Rolex guy and decided he would post ad ad for the watch on craigslist to see if he got any takers. He did, and collected a tidy sum from a local man who is a watch collector. He also got a number of responses that were clearly people trying to scam him. The most blatant example was this one:

David Mika wrote:

Hello thanks for your reply,
I will be needing this item for my inlaw
for his wedding in the ending of June,therefore i
will be needing it as soon as possible.he is located
in NC and I am ok with the item and will like to
make an immediate payment,I will instruct my
financial instituton in the United States to send
you a check as soon as you receive your funds.you
will deduct your $2000 and also deduct $100 to
shipped the item to my son.If you are okay with this
let me know so that I will contacted my financial
institution and they will send you a check of $4,000
and you remove the sum of $2,100.and send the rest
funds to the other client because the payment is my
retainer fee and i will instruct them to send the
check on your name so as to cash it and deduct your
funds and send the rest funds to client and shipped
the item also,and i would want you to send me your
Full Name, Contact Address and your Mobile Phone
Number so my financial institution can send the
check to you. Thanking you for your maximum
cooperaton. Would await your urgent correspondence.
Sincerely

JFJ's enormous reserves of patience were taxed by wading through all the drama, and he vented his frustrations on the poor scammer:

To: David Mika

wow, that's perfect! I'm going to be in NC for the next 2 weeks! This is going to be sooo easy now! What are the chances it could work out this well??
Why don't you give me the address of the wedding and the bride's full name and I will personally deliver the watch? Why burden your "financial institution" with this transaction when we can meet and party at the wedding? I love weddings! I'm so excited now, thank you for thinking of me. There's just one small issue, however. You see, my best friend loves a good wedding too but he is extremely ill right now. He is absolutely heartbroken that he may not live to see your son get married. I'm worried that he won't survive the trip, and I fear that I will be returning with his body in a box. Recently however, I discovered that there is a new experimental drug for people with a condition such as his. Rumor has it that this miracle cure would help people like him function almost normally in a public setting. Though some side effects can include diarrhea and vomiting, barking like a dog, and longer erections - I think you would agree that this is a small price to pay for having a semi-normal life.
So this is what I've wanted to tell you for so long. And now that I've got that off my chest and breathed a sigh of relief; I need to ask you for your help. Help me. Help my friend. Help us. Together, let's make his life brighter. Let's usher in a new beginning for him, and give him the gift of this beautiful world and give him back his right to exist in it.
Do the right thing, David. Do the only thing, David. Do what's in your heart.
Do reply with a Mastercard or Visa number for the amount of $4100 and include your full name as it appears on card. Don't forget the expiration date and the 3 digit code on the back.
Thank you, David. You are an amazing person. Don't let anyone tell you differently.

I love you.

Vacation, all I've ever wanted! Vacation, had to get away!

Work has finally calmed down to the point where I don't shun a computer in my downtime. JFJ and I leave for the Outer Banks next Thursday and although the trip has become a little more crowded than I originally anticipated, I'm really looking forward to it. I've never been to North Carolina, so it will be fun to see a new part of the country, and to meet JFJ's sister, her partner and his nephew, none of whom I've ever met before. We are also planning long bike rides and runs to keep us from getting too much "vacation gut." The last couple months has been the busiest and most emotionally challenging time since I've had this job, and I desperately need to relax.

Not like you wanted to do much work today anyway.

Lyrics of great rock and rolls songs... but all the words are in alphabetical order. Can you identify the song? It's good, clean fun right here.

Theo Jansen's kinetic sculptures

For your vacation planning purposes

You can hug pandas in China.

Been busy at work this week!

That orange jumpsuit does nothing for your skin tone.

One of my fave shows, What Not To Wear aka WNTW is casting in the SF Bay Area.

One of the categories that they are looking for is women who need a makeover because they “just got out of prison.” If anyone sees a WNTW episode where Stacy and Clinton try to put kitten heels and a fitted jacket onto someone who’s just been sprung from the pen, please let me know when it’s on. This is something not to be missed.

What's a fibula?

Otter flipper

Well, the Otter done gone and broked his leg. He was snowboarding at Dodge Ridge a couple weeks ago and took a spill.* He was landing a jump and the front of his snowboard wedged into a drift and stayed put as he fell forward. Ankle sprained, fibula broked. He hobbled around on it until Monday morning when he went to see the doctor. I am going to see if I can scan the x-rays because when you look at them you wonder HOW he managed to walk around. That bone is just snapped.

Good news: no cast, no surgery, no time off work

Bad news: crutches and a leg brace for six to eight weeks.

He's being a super trooper about the whole thing, but it's really hard for him not to be working out. Any suggestions for good movies or board games would be very welcome!

*It was his second big spill of the day, although he thinks I don't know about the first one. Advice for Otters: The Redhead ALWAYS knows.

There's so much to say about this, I don't even know where to begin.

As you know if you've ever used Match.com, you can express your interest in someone by sending a "wink" to their profile. My friend got a "wink" from this guy and sent one back. Here is what she got in response:

Hey,

Thanks for winking back. I read your profile again. You seem like a good person.

Some initial questions, I always ask, just to keep the worst ones away. Feel free to answer the questions you wish, and however you wish. This is the San Francisco Bay Area. I'm sure you understand.

(1) How many have you had sex with? How many guys have you broken up with, after having sex?

(2) Have you done drugs or had alcohol-related problems?

(3) Have you ever broken the law, or been involved in a legal dispute?

(4) Have you ever had financial problems? Including credit card dept?

(5) How is your family situation? Are your parents married or divorced?

(6) Any other issues with credability and character?

Best,
[NAME REDACTED, ALTHOUGH I REALLY WANTED TO INCLUDE HIS NAME, EMAIL AND PHOTO]

News from CLA, while home with sick children, ages 2 and five:

Having a fever apparently does not:

1) Affect one's desire or ability to throttle one's sibling repeatedly

or

2)Diminish one's capacity to pee on the carpet...proudly declaring, "I poo poo!"

Stuff White People Like

Thanks to Brie for bringing
this site to my attention. It's the funniest thing ever, and if you don't agree then fuck you and the Prius you rode in on.

Oprah, can I have $20k?

I hate to laugh at the misfortunes of others, but sometimes the misfortunes of others are really funny.

Some days...

JFJ and I hit the wine pretty hard last night and it was tough when the alarm went off at 5:30am. Today was a brick day: one hour of spin spin then treadmill and I felt every minute of it. So when JFJ sent me the quote below this morning, I knew we were on the same wavelength:

"I think there's only one sensible place for a person to be at 5:30 in the morning. That's in bed. And what am I doing? I'm out running. And I completely hate this."

Derek Clayton, Australian marathoner, first to break 2:09

“Valentine”
By Frank Bidart

How those now dead used the word love bewildered
and disgusted the boy who resolved he

would not reassure the world he felt
love until he understood love

Resolve that too soon crumbled when he found
within his chest

something intolerable for which the word
because no other word was right

must be love
must be love

Love craved and despised and necessary
the Great American Songbook said explained our fate

my bereft grandmother bereft
father bereft mother their wild regret

How those now dead used love to explain
wild regret

And the Bob Dole Grumpy Old Man Award goes to: Fred Thompson!

Fred Thompson “Leader of the Pack”

Thompson has selected a song about “Betty” and “Jimmy” who meet at the candy store and have a brief romance. Betty’s dad tells her she can’t see Jimmy anymore, and after she breaks up with him, tearful Jimmy speeds off into the night and dies in an accident, with the not-so-subtle implication that he killed himself rather than live without Betty’s love. Ahem. What in the WORLD does this have to do with anything? At least most of the campaign songs have a positive message about the country or a theme about change. Fred’s song is about… Fred. And how he is the, uh, leader of the pack…?

Let’s not forget how the song ends:

“The leader of the pack - now he's gone
The leader of the pack - now he's gone
The leader of the pack - now he's gone
The leader of the pack - now he's gone.”

Not exactly a positive message, is it? If only Fred was gone from the campaign.


Also, I think it’s interesting that he chose a song that was released a full two years before his wife was even born. Fred married Jeri (with an “i”!) in 2002 when she was 35 and he was 59. When asked by the Associated Press in 2007 what his favorite possession was, he said ”trophy wife.” An unfair message for Fred to send when he defends her qualifications as a potential first lady from the other side of his mouth.

Wikipedia says that Obama’s campaign song is “Better Way” by Ben Harper and not “Move On Up.” Hmmm... must go back and check my ”sources”.