Polly Wanna Cookie?

Dear Ms. [Redhead],

Thank you for your e-mail regarding our current Banana Republic models.
We always want to know how our advertising is being received, and your comments are appreciated.

We regularly evaluate our ads for effectiveness and reach because we want to make sure our advertising is appropriate for our customers and our brands. Feedback like yours is an important part of this process, and we have forwarded your concerns to the marketing managers who are
responsible for these decisions. We are sure they will be interested to hear your thoughts on this matter as well.

Again, thanks for bringing your concerns to our attention. We hope you will continue to let us know how we are doing.

Sincerely,

Robert
Customer Service Consultant



Original Message Follows:
-------------------------

Dear Banana Republic,

I was happily shopping on the BR site today when I came across the photograph to illustrate the "Geometric Shift Dress." The model wearing it is WAY more than thin. She looks like she has spent the last nine months on a life raft surviving only on water and Correctol. She doesn't look good - she looks sick (and very, very hungry). Please restore some sanity to your products by avoiding using models that are underweight.

Kind Regards,

[Redhead]
Santa Cruz, California

What was your favorite part about kayaking?

Other fair favorites

Block o'fries














Casually insane quilting.














Wall o'jam.















SWINE BARN!!













The "Pig Parts" poster.

Blogging temporarily suspended while I obsess over television history in the making.

When I saw these roses at the fair, the first thing I thought was, "These would be perfect for a Happy Pride Day bouquet for your favorite gay."

Be careful, though. Make sure the recipient is really "out." Could be awkward.

Lolotter

Scrumpy-isms

My mother stayed with us for a few days this week. I casually refer to JFJ by my nickname for him, "otter."

Scrumpy: Do you call him 'otter' because he is so sleek?

Me: No, otters are his favorite animal... um, did you just say
he's sleek?

Scrumpy pretends not to hear me, rummages in her purse.

September 11, 2007

It would be pretty crass of me to post multiple times today and not even mention the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks. Six years later, it's hard to accept the additional bloodshed that resulted from the so-called "War on Terror:" the 3,762 members of the U.S. Armed Forces killed in Iraq, the 374 killed in Afghanistan, 70,000+ Iraqi civilian casualties and God knows how many Afghani civilian casualties. Not to mention the journalists and military contractors who have also lost their lives, the amputees and other casualties, and the soldiers who come home whole in body but with a broken mind.

How will we explain this to our children? What has been accomplished? Al Queda is growing in Afghanistan, Pakistan and Iraq, Osama's still out there spreading his message of terror. The events of September 11 brought Americans together in a remarkable way. As a nation we mourned together and resolved to be strong, to be united. Today, we are united again, this time wondering, collectively, what went wrong. And looking to our country's leadership for answers.

"Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a
tooth: But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite
thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also." Matthew 5: 38-39

What the kids say these days.

Cottaging
Discreet acts of buggery performed in a toilet cubicle. Often anonymous.

Mouse arrest
Getting grounded from the family computer.

Butt dial
When your cell phone accidentally calls someone you did not mean to while on your person.

Work hot
A person that may or may not be hot, but is the most attractive person in the set of people you work with so you lust after him/her.

Typeractive
Someone who is overly talkative on emails or text messages.

Pregret
The feeling of regretting something you're about to do anyway.

iPerbole
The hype surrounding any product Apple unveils.

From Urban Dictionary.

Tales from the library

The inscription on the front leaf of a book on fine art reads:

"To John - Marry my mother or give it back!"

And now your heart will explode from the sheer cuteness.

New additions to the celebrity shit list.

Kelly Clarkson: I am a good singer, so I can't possibly be a good writer. Women can't possibly be good at two things.

Hillary Duff: I'm not, like, a crazy feminist. I think women definitely need men. Like, I couldn't imagine having a girlfriend!

Brooke Shields: I'm so naive about finances. Once, when my mother mentioned an amount and I realized that I didn't understand, she had to explain, 'That's like three Mercedes.' Then I understood.

Britney Spears: I've never really wanted to go to Japan, simply because I don't really like eating fish, and I know that's very popular out there in Africa.

The Internet is really great today.

FromOverheard in the Office

Customer: Do you have a copy machine?

CSR: Um, no... This is a book store.

Customer: Yeah, but I just want to copy this book.

CSR: We sell books.

Customer: But I don't want to buy it, I just want to copy it.

CSR: Then maybe you should try a library. We sell books.

Customer: But I'm here now, and I want to copy this book.

CSR: Look, okay, buy the book take it down to Kinkos and copy it, then return it.

Customer: I think that's illegal. I'd like to report you to your manager.

Bookstore
Pensacola, Florida

Boom boom, chicka chicka boom boom*

Continuing in the vein of this week's posts about hetero relations, posted below are some images from the book "Porn for Women" available at fine purveyors of humorous literature everywhere. My friend CMW got this book for me for my birthday. Also, Brie sent me the images by email.**

*That's supposed to be porn music.

**Yes, these are obviously pirated and used completely without permission.

CNN Breaking News: Men like hot chicks!

It's a good thing we have long-term scientific studies to help us figure this stuff out.

WELL. IT'S BEEN QUITE A WEEK.

My profanity and road rage levels are at an all-time high, and I'm expecting the local p.d. to come a knockin' on my door at any moment. Playing DCFC on Pandora usually mellows me out sufficiently that at least I can stop rocking myself and mumbling while crouched in the corner of my office, but today I just want to jump on the desk and shout "MOTHERFUCKER!!!" at the top of my lungs.

Yesterday as I was on my way to a somewhat important business meeting a friend asked me if I ever just wanted to get up and pee on the floor.

Absolutely.

I think it's just the pervasive Office Space-ness about our work environment that sometimes makes me want to do crazy things. It's such a relief that I'm not the only one.

There's no real reason for this sense of mania, apart from the general low-level psychosis that is my constant companion. In fact, it's been a pretty good week.

JFJ moved his stuff in last weekend, and it's been unexpectedly nice to have someone in the apartment to cook me dinner and spackle the marks in the wall where I've made deep gouges with my nails when I'm in "a mood." I'm sure my neighbors think he's always been there because they've heard me talking to myself pretty regularly and are probably relieved to see another person exiting the apartment. My mother tried to pull some bullshit with a mattress we gave her but nothing totally outrageous. And when my ex-boyfriend the commitment phobe announced that he was proposing to his girlfriend of six months (almost exactly two years after he had no intention of ever getting married) I just wished him the best and gave him some pointers on pre-nups. My therapist asked me if I was angry at him, but anytime I start to get bitter, I remember that if TB and I hadn't broken up, I wouldn't have met JFJ and we wouldn't be living in domestic bliss.

I have recently sold a couple of pieces of furniture on craigslist to make way for JFJ's stuff. All in all, it's been a good experience, validating my belief that most people in this this world are honest and good folk who are just trying to get by.

This experience also validated my belief that there are a lot of really, really dumb people out there. I posted an ad for my dining room table, including several photographs, the dimensions and my own assessment of the table's condition. The price? $40.

Here is a sampling of the questions I received about the dining room table:

"How big is it?"
The dimensions are on the ad.

"Can you deliver it to Fremont?"
Yes, and just like a furniture store, there will be a delivery fee. My delivery fee is $850. When would you like me to come by?

"I live in San Jose and I don't know Santa Cruz very well. I'm afraid I might get lost. Can you meet me halfway?"
The fact that you have chosen to live in a crockpot of a suburb which has the housing costs of Manhattan and the cultural benefits of Topeka is entirely your responsibility. The fact that you cannot find your way out of it is just sad.

"What if I come look at it and decide I don't want it?"
Then you'll have to give me your firstborn, who I will sell to the gypsies at a handsome profit.

"Will it fit in my kitchen?"
Yes. Absolutely.

"Will it fit in my Prius?"
Do you actually want to know that, or did you just want to call someone to tell them you drive a Prius?

If you buy stamps online from the US Postal Service, why is there a shipping charge?

Speakers required.

Perhaps I am the only person who still thinks lolcats are hysterical, but I will live with that shame.


The Rockafire Explosion